


countdown

by TheEbonHawk



Series: renegade heart - Jenner Rai [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Inconsistent tense, Injury, Minor Character Death, Murder, Past Tense, Present Tense, Shifting Tense, Sith Apprentice, Sith Apprenticeship, Sith Empire (Star Wars), Sith Master, Sith Training (Star Wars), Torture, Unrequited Crush, Violence, precocious crush, shifting pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEbonHawk/pseuds/TheEbonHawk
Summary: Scenes from a life growing up Sith. Please see warnings in the notes.
Relationships: Jenner Rai & Mora, Sith Warrior & OC Sith Master
Series: renegade heart - Jenner Rai [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076030
Kudos: 3





	countdown

**Author's Note:**

> Jenner Rai is my Sith Warrior OC, and this is a collection of scenes from her childhood and apprenticeship. 
> 
> This story contains mild scenes of violence, torture, abuse, and murder. There's also a brief mention of verbal sexual harassment. None of these incidents are graphic or detailed. 
> 
> Also be advised that Jenner, the child in this fic, has romantic feelings for her adult teacher Mora. Mora only has platonic feelings towards her, but she is also the source of much of Jenner's trauma. Please read with caution if you have triggers related to these subjects and take care of yourself!

10.

Mora. Her name is Mora. 

She’s beautiful. And she wants you. And she promises to make you strong.

11.

Jenner hates herself for asking, she hates that she feels the need to ask, but. Training is hard, and she needs something. Something to ease the stress and pain.

“Am I allowed to have. Friends.” It sounds ridiculous. It is ridiculous. Why is she bothering? She should just go practice her forms. 

Mora laughs. “You’re allowed to do whatever you wish,” she says, turning the page of her book. She’s reclined so casually, so calmly on the couch. Jenner wishes she could relax like that. “You’re allowed to kill me right now if you want. You could just take my lightsaber and drive it into my heart, if you’re fast enough. But I don’t know where you’d be if you did that.”

Lost. She’d be lost. “So, yes?”

“Yes, Jenner. You’re allowed to have friends.” Mora looks up from her book now. “But know that they will try to hurt you, to make themselves stronger. All of them, without exception. And you must be ready to do the same.” 

She draws her eyes away, looking into empty space with a thoughtful, nearly sad frown. “And the more people you attach yourself to, the more weak spots you have.”

“Is that why I’m your only friend?”

It’s a joke, it’s meant to be a joke, but the internal horror that flashes to Jenner from Mora makes it not funny at all. Mora doesn’t show it on her face, smiling instead. “We’re not friends, Jenner. A master and apprentice are meant to make each other stronger, and we do that through conflict. Just because I’m kinder than some of the masters doesn’t mean one of us won’t end up killing the other.”

Jenner bows her head. She knows. And at this point, she can’t envision any scenario in which she does not end up dead at the feet of her master.

She just hopes the inevitable is a while off. “I understand.”

12.

“I want to learn Force Lightning.”

Mora gives her a troubled look. “Why?”

Jenner sneers. “A boy...has been...” She can’t speak beyond that.

The look becomes pure, angry concern. “Did he touch you?”

Jenner shakes her head. “No.” He would be dead if he had. “He’s been saying things, though. I have to shut him up.”

Mora nods, understanding, but there is still a hint of worry to her frown. “Do you realize what this lesson entails, though, Jenner?”

She shakes her head.

“Before I allow you to learn lightning, I want you to know how it feels.”

Oh. 

Jenner had seen, had heard, terrible things. Things masters would do to their students, for discipline, for teaching, or for just for fun. Mora had never given her any punishment beyond harsh words and muscle aching exhaustion from various trials, but Jenner had always wondered if it was coming. Had taken care not to invite it.

“I understand,” was all she said. 

“Kneel,” Mora told her, and she did.

It was brief, but terrible. Mora gave her time to breathe, time to change her mind and take this lesson another day, but she wanted Jenner to understand this power, and this pain, from all sides, so Jenner studied it with gritted teeth and screams.

And once Mora taught her how...she grinned, lighting arching between her small hands. 

13\. 

Mora came out of the refresher in a bathrobe and sleep pants, a towel wrapped around her shoulders, her hair dripping dry on the towel. Jenner couldn’t help staring at her, thinking how beautiful she looked with her hair down. Mora never looked at her that way, and though it made Jenner’s chest hurt, she knew that was a good thing.

This was her own weakness, and she had to live with this feeling. 

14.

She only suggested it once, and the reaction ensured she never would again. Lord So-and-So was complaining about the war with the Jedi, and Jenner hadn’t thought, hadn’t censored herself, because usually she didn’t have to. 

“Why don’t you stop fighting them?” she’d asked, with all the innocence a child should have and a Sith shouldn’t. The Sith lord had given her a contemptuous look and then looked to her master. “You should discipline your student,” he grumbled. “Or I will.”

It had only been a slap, but it had stung the whole day, anger rising under the red flush on Jenner’s skin. When they returned to their quarters, Jenner set the anger free, glaring openly at her master. 

“Why?” she demanded. “Why shouldn’t I speak my mind?”

Mora had sighed and knelt in front of her student. “Jenner, listen. I love your mind. I love the thoughtful things you say. But not everyone does. You’re too small yet to fight with Sith Lords, and I can’t fight for you.”

She hesitated for a long moment, and then pulled Jenner into a stiff, awkward embrace. “I would rather hurt you than let him do it, or tell you to be quiet. Do you understand?”

Jenner didn’t, not really. If her master agreed with her, then why didn’t she say so? Why didn’t they do something about it? But she couldn’t argue anymore, now that she was being held. It had been so long. 

“I understand.”

15.

Her hands trembled as she lifted Mora into her lap, keeping her master steady with her head elevated while she rummaged through the medkit. "You're going to be okay," Jenner promised, steeling her nerves as much as she could as she tied a bandage on Mora's arm.

Mora chuckled, grabbing Jenner's elbow with her uninjured hand. "You worry too much. Silly girl." Her eyes slid closed as she passed out.

Jenner forced herself not to panic. Her master wouldn't die like this.

16.

“Draala has been bothering me. I think her master’s put her up to it.”

Mora frowned thoughtfully. “I see. And what will you do about it?”

Jenner considered. She was used to this, to her master’s tests. She was meant to be self-reliant, to make her own decisions. “I don’t know. What are my options?”

“Well, you could kill her. That would solve the problem permanently.”

“Perhaps,” Jenner said, but flattened under the syllables was her distaste for the idea. “But her master might be angry with me, and I can’t afford to replace an enemy with a stronger enemy. And if I could get her to back down by threatening her, killing her wouldn’t be necessary.”

Mora gave her a sliver of a smile, withholding the rest. “Well-reasoned, my dear. But be careful. If you let this one off with a warning, she may take advantage of your mercy and harm you more.”

Jenner nodded, decided. “I will scare her off,” she said, her voice confident. “And if I believe she is going to cause more trouble, I’ll kill her.”

The rest of the smile came through. “Very good, pet. I’ll hold you to it.”

-

Draala did bother Jenner again; the next time Jenner went into the tombs, searching for a runaway, Draala attempted to sabotage her. Jenner caught the other apprentice stalking her and turned quickly, burying her sword in the girl’s chest.

Draala choked and gasped, and Jenner sighed. “I warned you.” Her voice was hard, the fear she felt pushed down to make way for anger and her petty desire to please her master. “Be grateful it was quick.” 

She pushed the blade in deeper until Draala went lifeless. 

17.

The accident was her fault. She knew it was her fault, even though Mora had tried to apologize. 

If she’d just been faster, stronger...

But now she was broken.

18.

Inability to sleep was normal. Nightmares were not. She woke up screaming Mora’s name, and soon she was crying into her pillow. 

Whether Mora heard her or not, she didn’t come to comfort her. She’d been speaking to her less and less.

The time was coming, soon. She wasn’t going to be ready.


End file.
